


When You Loved Me Least

by Jiwoow



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Hanahaki Disease, and confusing, kinda sad, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:24:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16311224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jiwoow/pseuds/Jiwoow
Summary: It starts with a Chocolate Cosmos.





	When You Loved Me Least

It starts with a Chocolate Cosmos. A flower as rare as the disease that serpentined through her lungs, took residence in her heart, constricted her breath and spiked her heartbeat. And it is funny. There’s some sort of ironical universe bullshit that the first petal that climbs up her throat during a coughing fit is named chocolate cosmos, as if Momo wouldn’t know that it was Sana, the biggest chocolate lover she had ever met.

The Hanahaki Disease, traced back to ancient societies all over the world, but with few occurrences nowadays. Born out of one sided love. Only showing symptoms after a confession gone wrong, something about the acknowledgement of someone’s feelings and the rejection. Emotional pain turned physical as vines grow inside the lungs and around the heart, turning symbols of love into reminders of hurt.  
No one talks about it. She had heard whispers growing up. A teacher gone after a persistent cold. A girl in her bus stop with infinite handkerchiefs and a nasty pollen allergy. Rushed phone talks between her parents and her favorite uncle, about azaleas and surgeries. Her best friend going to the hospital after months of frequent visits to the nurse office. But it still was a taboo. A nuisance in life that was better left unsaid, swept under the rug unless it happened to you. And if it did then you could have it removed, which most people did. Retracting all the vines and petals along with all the feelings towards the object of affection.

 

She starts to despise flowers and their meanings but that doesn't stop her from searching every time her petals change.

Chocolate cosmos.  
White rose.  
Pink Camellia.  
Heliotrope.  
Crimson Rose.

 

But maybe it doesn’t starts with petals. It starts with a plane ticket being shoved into a young and hopeful Momo’s hands, the knowledge of her uncertain future and excitement for her new beggining weighting more than it should. Hearing the manager talk fast with a girl who appears by her side, looking flushed as if she had run to meet them.  
“You are late Miss Minatozaki”  
“I’m so sorry, my cat was missing so we had to search all the favorite spots in the neighborhood so I could say goodbye to her. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” The girl explains in a rushed tone.  
The manager sighs. Nods. Then remembers Momo who stood watching the exchange.  
“Hirai Momo, this is Minatozaki Sana, you fellow future trainee.  
And it is simple as that (at least to Momo).  
It starts with expectations being placed in far too young shoulders, a missing cat and flushed cheeks. 

It grows into love as easily as she passes first year as a trainee, which means not at all. Sana was loud, obnoxious, noisy and managed to leave Momo feeling all kinds of unbalanced but she also was quiet and introspective at times, face so somber it just made you want to hug all her troubles away. Sana was persistent though, probing and poking at Momo’s walls until they crumbled at her feet. The catalyst of their friendship comes in form of a specially gruesome dance teacher, the beady eyed one who had a grudge against the older Japanese, who criticized and humiliated her until Momo couldn’t focus on the steps anymore, going further and further inside her mind and then suddenly Sana is making a lot more mistakes than she should - she is such a skilled dancer, always hardworking and unrelenting - and the teacher’s attention shifts from one Japanese to another. Momo shoots her a grateful smile and makes a detour on the way home, stopping to buy Sana’s favorite chocolate.

Momo confesses on a warm Tuesday evening, because nothing screams romance as a summer plagued day that leaves you all sweaty and gross. But this was Momo and Sana, that had seen each other at much worse. The confession takes form as sweaty hands, chocolate and furious pacing. A trembling voice saying “I really like you, maybe more than I should but I could never regret it.” And a crying girl who loves her best friend but not like that (a girl whose heart was already compromised and happy). And it ends with them tangled in a tight embrace, sobbing until there’s nothing left to cry.

So when Momo wakes up the following day with a headache and a sore throat she assumes it’s a result of all the crying. It’s not until she coughs up a single petal for breakfast that she gets desperate.

 

When Mina says in an interview that Sana is dangerous, she has no idea how true her words are.

 

It’s Nayeon who finds out. It’s Nayeon who screams and cries with her. Who spends a week without as much as looking at Sana and many more looking for all information about the disease. Who hugs her at night and stays by her side. It’s Nayeon who promises Momo not to tell anyone, knowing fully well that sometimes the price of the truth is too high for them to pay. So Nayeon stands at her side, helping discard the flowers and making up excuses for their disappearances (suddenly Nayeon is having trouble with the choreography and of course Momo will be the one to help her, staying all their free time at the nearly forgotten practice room.).

Momo wasn’t dumb, no matter what her biology teacher said back in high school (“fuck biology” the dancer said to Nayeon one night “It’s not like Hanahaki should be biologically possible and yet, here I am.”).

But It gets harder to hide the flowers as time passes by. All her excuses and lies pulling up to the point where she doesn’t know where they even begin. So it’s expected that they all fall upon her one day, what she didn’t expect was for all her members to be there, to watch her fall down mid practice clawing at her throat, trying desperately to breath as violent coughs plague her body. To watch the blood trickle down the corners of her lips and puddle at the hands suddenly covering her mouth. But Momo supposes it’s fitting, that the people who matter the most to her are ones to see her in her most vulnerable state. Time freezes as they watch the dancer try to get something out of her throat, hair blocking the view, and they stay suspended in time not knowing what to do. And then the coughs subside and the hands fall, spiling Chrysanthemums petals on the floor and the spell breaks, Nayeon springing to action, running to her friend’s side armed with tissues and water. Cleaning the blood and collecting the flowers, all the while murmuring to Momo something the others can’t quite understand. Jihyo, Mina and Jeongyeon are the next to rush close to the dancer, the leader clearly desperate and firing questions. The young ones stand to the side, worry etched into their faces but not knowing how to help.  
“Jihyo. Stop.” Says Nayeon in a low voice, jaw clenched while holding the dancer.  
“But Nayeon we need to know what is happening! How long has this been going on? She should have told us sooner!”  
“Momo needs is to go to the dorm and rest, and that’s what she will do.” The older responds as she collects the girl in her arms, trying not to think about how impossibly thin she is, how frail the girl she perceived as strong and stable now is.  
Jihyo seems to concede to Nayeon and nods, which results in another round of screams and the younger girls volunteer to take Momo home. They are promptly shut down by Nayeon. All the while two girls remain silence and rooted to their spots. Sana is paralyzed ever since the coughs started, understanding and guilt written in her face. Dahyun has tears glistening in her eyes and is muttering silence apologies. Momo finally understands, a final puzzle piece falling in place for the grand finale. And weirdly enough she’s happy for them, for the certainty that they won’t suffer like her.

It starts with a Chocolate Cosmos and ends with a Purple Hyacinth.  
It starts in an airport and ends in a hospital.  
It starts with expectations, missing cats and flushed cheeks and ends with resignation, Nayeon and red puffed eyes.  
It starts with love and ends just like that too.

**Author's Note:**

> this is an outline of a fic that i'll never finish because writing is hard and i suck at it. but here it is: another samo angst/unrequitered love fic because we dont have enough of those. had a great time looking for flower meanings (they explain more Momo's feelings than I did). the hemingway app told me that this has 10 hard to read sentences and 17 very hard to read sentences so sorry. the title comes from a song and you should check it out.


End file.
